Green Valley Generosity Yields Great Football Drills

In the spirit of full disclosure, I worked on this project with all of the people i am about to speak fondly of...But everything I say is still completely true.

Frank Mauriello and Jarod Morgan of American National Insurance Company decided to work with their hometown school, Green Valley High School, and provide an extra level of professional support to the student athletes with the Foundations for the Future program. One of the coaches that saw value in their program was Matt Gerber, the varsity football coach. With his support they were able to provide college preparation and academic counseling to a number of the athletes.

I was fortunate enough to be involved in their program and one of the more unique things that come of it is a collection of football drills and tips that are some of the building blocks of Coach Gerber's team. They turned our really great and some of the information is valuable, so I thought I would share some of them with you.

Twitter Tattle: Darnell Dockett -- Oprah, Grub, and Advanced Statistics

Welcome to the Twitter Tattle. This is a new segment where I use Twitter to figure out where football player’s heads are at during the offseason and week leading up to the game, so that one might be able to predict their future performance. Not only is this amusing, but it is incredibly useful (maybe) for fantasy football and handicapping. Twitter lets you know if the player has been hard at work in the weight room, spending their signing bonus at the club, or if they think their quarterback is a punk and their coach is a moron. Hopefully we will be able to glean some insights from the inane details that the elites of the NFL choose to post in an open forum.

Let me emphasize the maybe for a minute. For some athletes, it might not matter if they have been partying the entire week leading up to a game. Take Michael Irvin for a moment. In spite of his notorious partying he still played at an all pro level up until his devastating injury. So until we can distinguish between the select few that can perform at a high level while burning the candle at both ends and those that merely burn out, this is experimental at best.

With that in mind…I would like to introduce Darnell Dockett, defensive tackle for the Arizona Cardinals.

Today on Twitter one of Darnell’s tweeps gave this blast…”@ddockett sounds like $ more important than football,” to which Dockett responded with, “u sound stupid as hell.”

Personally…I tend to agree with Darnell’s tweep. Not because I have anything against Darnell Dockett. I actually think he has been one of the most underrated defensive tackles in the league for a few years. But that doesn’t mean that he won’t fall-off once someone decides to cut the check. The reason that I think that Darnell’s play will decline significantly once he gets paid is because that’s what the numbers indicate will happen. What numbers you ask? Sacks? No. QB hurries? No. Tackles? No. It’s all spelled out in his Twitter statistics. Using the latest Twitological Analytical Techniques (also known as TAT) it is possible to deduce how much of a force Darnell will be in the trenches this year for the Cardinals. Although the results are quantitatively qualitative and as about as useful as a cultural critic's analysis of the “Charlie bit me” kid on YouTube

(Watch Here:

[although…I like the autotune version better. Watch Here:

), I still think they are revealing. What they reveal will be left for you to decide.

Darnell Docket Twitter Study

The Analytical Twitter Study, ATS, of Darnell Dockett was conducted between March 30^th and April 10^th. The length of the study was determined based on the number of times the researcher was willing to scroll down Dockett’s Twitter page before becoming irritated.

The TAT method used in the Dockett ATS was Topographical Tweet Tracing, TTT, in which Darnell’s tweets were broken down into categories and then turned into ratios to determine how much of the time he spends tweeting on each subject, which roughly corresponds to how much time he thinks about each subject. Not all categories were included in the ATS. Some of the categories that were excluded from the study include, but are not limited to, Beyonce, FSU, and random song lyrics.

Categories

There were six tweet topics chosen for study based on their direct effects on whether or not Darnell Dockett will become a salary cap black hole once he receives a large contract: working out, contract unhappiness, money problems, partying/other, food, and Oprah.

Data

Topographical Tweet Entry Chart (March 30^th, 2010 – April 10^th, 2010)

Food -- 22

Oprah -- 11

Party/Other -- 6

Workout Warrior -- 6

Money Problems -- 5

Contract Unhappiness -- 4

Table tutorial

Data Analysis

The results of the ATS, which utilized the TTT method of TAT were staggering. Darnell’s Twitter usage during the study period was dominated by food with 22 separate Topographical Tweet Entries. This might not be surprising considering defensive tackles are expected to weigh around 300 lbs. A big man needs to eat. What is surprising is the ratio of the food TTEs to the number of TTEs for other categories.

Darnell’s Twitter Entry Ratio, TER, for food to workout was calculated to be 3.7. This means that Darnell thinks about food 3.7 times more than he thinks about working out. Using a little bit of Theoretical Athletic Algebraculus, TAA, it is clear that he is ingesting nearly 4 times as many calories as he is able to burn off. At this rate, he is more likely to eat his way out of the league than complete his next big contract.

Some will look at the data and rush to Dockett’s defense by saying, “look at how many of his TTEs are about healthy food.” But even closer statistical analysis reveals that the benefits of good nutrition of been overwhelmed by junk food joy-joy. Darnell has equal Po Boys to Healthy Food and Gordos to Healthy ratios, having three TTEs for each. That means he is craving the dirty just as much as other high performance options. In other words…he is no Steve Nash.

One of the other noteworthy TERs calculated from the Darnell Docket ATS was the Party to Workout TER. Darnell is thinking about partying just as much as he is working out, which almost negates any of the positive results he is expecting from his training. To put it in his words, Darnell is thinking about partying/other activities that will cause “yall [to] judge [him] and [his] political people [to] be mad,” just as much as he is thinking about working out. This makes you want to trust him with a large amount of guaranteed money?

The most clear indications that Dockett will become a problem child until he gets paid, and then become worthless once he gets paid, is that his Workout to Money Problems TER is 1.5 and his Workout to Contract Unhappiness is 1.2. Any player that is unhappy enough about their contract to vocalize their opinion on Twitter for the world to read should be at least twice as concerned with working out in order to earn their next big check. His Money Problems ratio is even more frightening considering that you would expect anyone with money problems to want to work at least three times as hard in order to get themselves out of that situation. His numbers indicate that he cares half as much as you would like. If he cares this little before he gets paid, how much will he care after?

Even though the above results are mind blowing, it is nothing compared to the fact that the data indicates he thinks about Oprah more than anything else, next to food. In fact…he almost thinks about Oprah, while thinking about food as much as he thinks about working out. Unfortunately, I do not know the kind of math that will tell us just exactly how this will impact his performance (although I am willing to learn). But I do know that this cannot mean good things for his focus.

In conclusion, the results of the Darnell Dockett Analytical Twitter Study points to him being a bust once he gets his payday. Whether you disagree with my opinions or not, I don’t care, because the numbers don’t lie (they don’t necessarily tell truth either, but when has that been relevant to blogs?). The strongest argument against Darnell is one that he provided himself on April 7^th:

God has Been Great to me! I just realized I've started Every football game for the last 10yrs! ! ! At the toughest position there is DT! 11:03 AM Apr 7^th

The only thing I can say to this tweet is Church! God is great, and you have been too, on the football field for 10 years. Unfortunately the miles and trails that prove your greatness are the same ones that make me think a team’s dollars might be better spent on a newer model. I’m not sayin…I’m just sayin.

Darnell Dockett’s Topographical Tweet Entry Listing (March 30^th, 2010 – April 10^th, 2010)

I LIKE TO EAT FOOD (22 Food Related Tweets)

Anybody I know come to po boys on pensecola I wanna see ya! I just saw the guy that use 2 was my car when I was here at school he famous NOW

I'm famous in tallahassee real talk! I got a driver, penthouse suite, eat any place for free, and erybody loves me here!!

Who in tallahassee! I'm eating at GORDOS my favorite cuban spot! I look partially cuban any way so it makes me feel like

there my cousins! 9:39 AM Apr 9th

@Trapj99 what the dude name the run GORDOS? 9:09 AM Apr 9th

RT @Trapj99: @ddockett Yeah maybe now but we all had a weakness for some gordo's- hey bra I'm going ther to oh don't u worry! 12:38 PM Apr 8th

Who evr went 2 ROBEKs in College Park! Mann they have gr8 food in the & protein shakes & juices! I'm addicted 2 healthy eating! 12:08 PM Apr 8th

I'm going to po boys first in tallahassee Who's coming 10:54 AM Apr 8th

I'm already thinking where I'm gonna have luch tommorow in tallahassee? Any suggestion? Who gonna join me My treat? 10:45 AM Apr 8th

I'm at PO BOYS eating a shrimp and oyster sandwich with gator on the side OMG this is good?

Who all going to the FSU spring Game this Weekend? Who lives in tallahasse I need a place to stay and party and drink beer from a keg? 10:20 AM Apr 7th

I'm gonna go get a Dozen of the biggest Maryland Blue crabs and steam shrimp "OH MY"! And steam oysters! 1:03 PM Apr 7th

http://tweetphoto.com/17458662 Hey my BFF @simplyjess120 can u send me some cup cakes please ill let u come drink (cont) http://tl.gd/p3mgh April 6th

@Vinces1214 I passed on the jerk pit, instead I tuna and a salad! 18oz Beet, carrot,onion and apple juice! From ROBECK soooo gooood!

Hey anybody heard of the JERK PIT in college park its a carribean jerk chicken place? April 6th

@Oprah what u doing? Are we still going to popeyes for lunch? 8:16 AM Apr 6th

Mann I want some chicken wings MUMBO sauce with shrimp fried rice 4dollar extra shrimp and a Cherry Dr Pepper and doubletree hotel cookies! April 6th

I want some double tree hotel chocolate chip cookies! With a glass of lowfat milk! Can some one send them cookies? Pleassse? April 4th

Who wanna got to houstons with me/or PF change or ruth chris who's down? March 30th

Sandra bullock I know u getting a divorce but would u like to join me for ice cream! We can talk about how u feel and u can exhale to me ok! March 30th

Do yall know if meagan fox has a twitter? I'm gonna invite her to cold stone, then I'm gonna ask Oprah can she buy a Cold stone! 8:18 PM Mar 30th

Ok so I have this thing for Oprah, and the girl from transformers, and I'm so confused on who I wanna invite for ice cream can u all HELP! 8:14 PM Mar 30th

http://twitpic.com/1bym5f - 6oz of wheat grass juice its a breakfast for champions 5:45 AM Mar 30th

I’M HAVING MONEY PROBLEMS (5 Money Problem Tweets)

She said as long as u leave ur ice on , I said u might as well leave the lights on! #imjustsaying 7:29 AM Apr 6th

RT @natashaellie: @ddockett u r silly!! Jst pay d man!!! Lol--> I will but he call to much and,, I f*ck my money up now I can't RE-UP! 4:49 PM Mar 30th

RT @JASONSAARI: @ddockett just forward all his calls to Bill Bidwells... --> and then what? 4:33 PM Mar 30th

He called yestserday I straight told him I dont I dont have it! Then he talked about the late fee, Im like boyyy stop "I STILL wont HAVE IT! 4:26 PM Mar 30th

Mann this bill collector keep call me I'm sick of his ass then he tried to switch hit voice up! Mann I'm not payinghim till I get paid #FACT March 30^th

I’M UNHAPPY WITH MY CONTRACT (4 Contract Related Tweets)

I'm now mad as hell, I wanna cry! But the GOOD news is he told me I could get a LOAN and he's gonna miss me on game day I feel a lil better! 1:29 PM Apr 5^th

2workouts done having a great day Till Karlos Dansby call to brag on how miami dolphins are showing him love and they treat him "GREAT"! April 5^th

Man OH Man! Geeesh 30mins huh!I swear I love this feeling! Working like I'm underpaid..... hold up! ummmm nother mind! Back 2 to buisness!! April 5^th

RT @kbull53: Football organizations w/no loyalty 2 their star players have the hardest time winning world championships.-> I feel u its BS!! 10:50 AM Mar 30th

I LIKE TO PARTY/OTHER (6 Party Related Tweets)

Hey what's going on tonight in tallahassee? Moon or all white party? But I didn't bring white soooo that mean ill wear all black! 6:33 PM Apr 10th

@DJDEMP ay bra I'm in town? What's tonight and didn't bring all white for tommorow ao ill wear all black tommorow but what's tonight? 8:46 PM Apr 9th via UberTwitter in reply to DJDEMP

Hey who has DJ DEMP twitter name in tallahassee? 8:22 PM Apr 9th

Who Up right now? I need someone to talk too, 3:31 AM Apr 9th

Mann I wish I can tell yall about what's going on right now lol but I know yall would judge me and my political people would be mad!

OHHHH hey yall I got a IDEA, I'm bout to do something REALLY CRAZY Right now if I don't come back in 30mins yall call the police REALTALK!!

I’M A WORKOUT WARRIOR (6 Workout Related Tweets)

Wake up watching NE JACK CITY! That's the mood I'm in ROCKA A BYE BABY POW ON TO THE HEAD! -Who wanna run hillls with me today? 8:16 AM Apr 7th

Dear Coach Singletary ill Be in SF next week 4 a mtg & I was wonderding do u mind if I come by 2 work out 4 a few days? Ill treat u 2 lunch. 7:08 PM Apr 5th via UberTwitter

I'm gonna be in SF for a few days next week for a mtg. I wonder would coach singletary let me work out there for a few days what yall think? 6:59 PM Apr 5th via UberTwitter

Im gonna go to tennesee titans facilty tommorow I wonder if I walk in there and ask coach fisher can I work out with his team will he letme? 6:51 PM Apr 5th

Man OH Man! Geeesh 30mins huh!I swear I love this feeling! Working like I'm underpaid..... hold up! ummmm nother mind! Back 2 to buisness!! April 5^th

Who wanna go running with me at 5am? I'm gonna run 3miles and 15 110yd sprints and 500abs 250push ups then go to the gym for a 7am work out! 9:32 PM Apr 4th

I LOVE OPRAH (11 Oprah Related Tweets)

@Oprah what u doing? I'm thinking bout u *wink* call me later I'm out wit my home boys from FSU.. 5:36 PM Apr 10th

@Oprah hi babe how are u doing my chocolate Milk dud! 8:35 PM Apr 8th

I'm going to bed, I'm tired of watching ESPN I'm just gonna watch the RE-RUNS of @Oprah show !! My little chocolate love bug! *wink* TTYL 11:35 PM Apr 7th

@Oprah hey babe I think I left my cleats in ur trunk, call me when u out ur mtg! And what we eating for dinner tonight? 11:57 AM Apr 7th

@Oprah what u doing? Are we still going to popeyes for lunch? 8:16 AM Apr 6th

RT @mvp5150: @ddockett Where you been?-- chasing @Oprah Love, hunting dear in texas,swimming naked in alaska, trainning in russia! 8:58 PM Apr 4th

@Oprah I'd walk across fire for ur love, I tattoo ur name on me,I carry the world for ur kiss, I'd stick to u like Money ooops I mean Honey! 8:43 PM Mar 30th

# @Oprah hey I was just wondering, is there anyway we can work ths out cause I'm tired of u abusing Me ! U keep smacking me w/$$! In my face! 8:32 PM Mar 30th

Please tell Oprah I said Roses are RED Violets are blue she can have 90 if she add 8 to 82!.!.!.!. That was purdy it almost made me tear ;-( 8:22 PM Mar 30th

Do yall know if meagan fox has a twitter? I'm gonna invite her to cold stone, then I'm gonna ask Oprah can she buy a Cold stone! 8:18 PM Mar 30th

Ok so I have this thing for Oprah, and the girl from transformers, and I'm so confused on who I wanna invite for ice cream can u all HELP! 8:14 PM Mar 30^th